BDSM is often sensationalized in media, but inaccurate portrayals do more harm than just spreading misinformation—they can reinforce dangerous myths about consent, abuse, and power dynamics. From Fifty Shades of Grey to countless crime dramas, depictions of kink tend to lean into shock value over accuracy. The result? Harmful tropes that feed stigma and alienate real-world kinky folks.

Writers and filmmakers have a responsibility to get it right—especially when depicting complex, intimate practices like kink. Ethical storytelling isn’t about sanitizing BDSM, but about respecting the consent frameworks and diversity within it. In this post, we’ll explore how to craft more responsible, grounded narratives and where media often goes wrong.

Steps to Ethical and Accurate Representation

Work with Experts

If you're writing or producing a scene that includes kink, consult someone who knows the territory. That might mean working with a kink educator, certified intimacy coordinator, or someone who has lived experience and the language to guide you. Sunny Megatron, for example, strongly recommends bringing in a bondage specialist for any on-set ties or restraints, especially when nerve safety or anatomy is involved. Just like you’d hire a fight choreographer for an action scene, bring in kink consultants to help you get the details right—and safe.

Show Negotiation and Consent

One of the biggest myths media perpetuates is that kink “just happens” in the heat of the moment. In reality, every BDSM scene is structured around four key phases: negotiation, the scene itself, aftercare, and debriefing. Showing characters engage in pre-scene communication—discussing boundaries, desires, and safewords—can be just as compelling as the scene itself. Use visual storytelling to illustrate this: dialogue snippets, safe word agreements, or a moment of emotional aftercare.

Pro tip: Incorporate the “traffic light system” of safewords (green/yellow/red) into your scene to show consent is active, not assumed​.

Portray the Diversity of Kink

Kink is highly customizable—it’s not one-size-fits-all. Sunny encourages media creators to recognize that people engage in kink for different reasons: connection, stress relief, healing, fun, power exploration, or pure sensation. Some people enjoy psychological play without physical touch. Others might be into bondage but not pain. When media portrays only a narrow “whips-and-chains” version of BDSM, it erases the full humanity of kinky people. Represent roles and dynamics with care, including queer, disabled, and BIPOC communities, and avoid reinforcing racialized or gendered assumptions about dominance and submission.

Avoid the “Damaged Dominant” Trope

This trope shows up constantly—a powerful, cold, often male dom whose kinky desires stem from unresolved trauma or a dark past. Not only is this inaccurate, it’s also harmful. It suggests that kink is a pathology rather than a consensual, often joyful practice. Sunny teaches that dominants can be gentle, playful, service-oriented, or nurturing. And no, you don’t need to be broken to enjoy BDSM. When you fall back on the damaged dominant narrative, you perpetuate shame and misunderstanding around kink.

Examples of Good vs. Bad Portrayals

Fifty Shades of Grey

This franchise gets a lot of things wrong: lack of consent negotiation, boundary-pushing without agreement, and reinforcing the idea that kink is rooted in trauma. Christian Grey’s dominance is often coercive, not consensual, and there’s no clear communication or aftercare. The result? A fantasy that blurs abuse with kink.

Sense8

In contrast, Sense8 portrays kink with nuance. The scenes involving Nomi and Amanita or Lito’s queer polycule show communication, emotional connection, and enthusiastic consent. The kink is contextualized—it’s not the whole story, but it adds dimension to the characters.

Want to learn the real story behind kink, from definitions to dynamics? Sunny Megatron’s course Understanding Kink, BDSM, and Fetish is perfect for educators, creatives, and the simply curious. You’ll leave with clarity, confidence, and tools to navigate kink with nuance.

Conclusion

Authentic storytelling requires nuance, respect, and accuracy. Whether you're writing a screenplay, directing a scene, or building a character arc, your representation of kink matters. By incorporating real-world BDSM practices and prioritizing consent, media creators can craft narratives that are both compelling and responsible.

If your story involves kink, let it reflect the same care and complexity that real-life practitioners bring to their play. When you write with intention, you’re not just building better characters—you’re creating space for more honest stories.

FAQ: Writing Kink Responsibly in Media

Do I need to show the whole negotiation?

Not always—but referencing it makes a difference. Even a brief line like “We’ll review the yes/no/maybe list after dinner” signals that consent has been discussed. Think of it like showing a condom wrapper: small visual cues communicate a lot.

Can I include taboo play in my story?

Absolutely—if done thoughtfully. Sunny’s course covers edgeplay and taboo scenes like CNC (consensual non-consent) or race play, emphasizing that these kinks should never be played for shock value alone. Focus on character motivation, consent structures, and audience context.

Is it okay if my characters mess up?

Yes—but show consequences and growth. Just like in real life, mistakes happen in kink. What matters is how characters reflect, repair, and move forward. Avoid glorifying or excusing boundary violations.